Social media has become a place where people unfollow those they don't agree with, join groups only where they can find like-minded people (read as: isolationist), and where the distance of the computer screen allows them to attack one another more quickly for holding different beliefs.
So, yes, I'm probably only feeding that narrative as those of you who don't agree with me may choose to unfriend me, unfollow me, leave me a nasty comment, etc.
That's okay. That's your right.
Just as it is your right to march in any movement, for any cause, with any reasons (or lack there-of) that you so choose because we live in this INCREDIBLE nation that puts YOUR FREEDOM above everything else.
You have that right because men and women put their ACTUAL LIVES on the line every-single-fucking-day-FOR YOU.
...but I digress.
This article was the straw that broke the camel's back (the camel being me, of course) today. This was the straw that made me yell out... standing in my kitchen... waking my dog up from his slumber... that "YOU HAVE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME!"
And before I go any further, I would like to say that I respect your opinions... I respect that you believe in your heart of hearts that you are right and I may be wrong. But I am asking you to take off your hat for a moment and just hear me as a friend. Just hear what I'm saying. You don't have to agree with me, but I hope that you can open your heart up to the fact that not everyone has to agree with YOU. That we can still love one another, respect one another, and SUPPORT one another despite our differences.
...it seems to me that THAT is what the message should have been at all of these marches across the country this weekend.
BUT IT WASN'T.
First of all... the fact that I actually had to Google what the mission and purpose of the "Women's Rights Marches" across the country was means that there wasn't a mission. There was no concrete agenda or idea being moved forward. With SO MANY PEOPLE backing "the cause" you'd think that any 2 of the women who I inquired to about the "why" behind attending a march would have been the same... but it wasn't. Like actually not once. Which is just downright CONFUSING ladies... and I AM A LADY WHO WANTS TO SUPPORT OTHER LADIES!
Okay... let's just cut right to the article and the REAL reason that I am frustrated, disheartened, concerned, and STRAIGHT UP PISSED about what some of the women who were out there are disseminating. (note: I said "some"... don't get your panties in a twist)
The author responds to some other social media note by saying that: "You are not equal"
She tells me that I am not equal because I get paid less... I get paid less-- WE get paid less because we work less. We work less because we sacrifice time at the office so that we DON'T have to sacrifice time with family.
This is true for doctors, lawyers, designers, personal trainers, salesmen, YOU NAME IT.
Find me a man and a woman who have the same qualifications, the same number of years experience, put in the same hours with the same effort, and THEY GET PAID THE SAME FOR THE SAME JOB. This has LONG been debunked and yet somehow so many people still believe that it is true.
The "GAP" that they cite is the UNADJUSTED gap that DOES NOT ACCOUNT FOR INDIVIDUAL CHOICES. And if we could all look more closely at FACTS instead of simply repeating rhetoric that has been shoved down our throats, we could see that more clearly.
She continues to tell me that I "still don't have paid (or even unpaid) maternity leave".... but what she DOESN'T mention is that Hillary's plans actually didn't include any addition of paid maternal or paternal leave, but Trumps do. So if we could all just sit down and LISTEN, we maybe would learn a thing or two. Another example of messaging and reality not being aligned quite like "they" would like us to believe.
Side note: telling me that Estonian women get over 400 days of maternity leave really doesn't hold a lot of sway... Estonia doesn't hold the weight of the world on it's back. Estonia isn't responsible for maintaining a constant and stable economy to keep the world markets from falling into oblivion. Estonia doesn't have nations coming to them constantly for military support or humanitarian aid. Estonia as a nation has the same number of citizens as the city of San Diego, California has residents... we're not exactly comparing apples to apples here.
She tells me that I "still have to fight to breastfeed in public." No, no I don't. (okay, well, I don't have kids yet, but I WON'T) because if someone doesn't appreciate me feeding my child, they can look away. If you choose to make a scene and draw attention to yourself, then YES- YOU WILL CAUSE AN INCIDENT. I just spent a week with my beautiful beautiful friend who is a new mother... she fed her baby whenever her child needed it. She fed her baby wherever her child needed it. There was not a single instance in which she put the needs or desires of the people around her above those needs of her daughter. She didn't cause a fuss, but she also didn't work overly hard to cover herself up either... and you know what??? She got more SMILES and looks of adoration than anything I've ever seen. People WANT to support you loving your baby. People WANT to let you enjoy that special time with your child. Let them. Stop assuming the worst.
People react to what you put out-- so if you glare at them accusatorially rather than graciously, OF COURSE you will be met with negativity... that's how we as humans work. Simmer down.
She tells me that I am "still abused by my husband." No. As a strong woman, as a strong human I will not let others abuse me. Physically, emotionally, spiritually... and maybe that's why I am responding to her post. I will not allow anyone to talk down to me, belittle me, or hurt me or my loved ones. We have amazing resources in this country for women who fall victim to domestic violence. The women who are abused in this country need stronger FEMALE ALLIANCES. Need stronger friendships, stronger work relationships, stronger connections with other women who can sense when something is not right... who can intervene on their behalf. But when women are focusing on tearing half of their gender apart because of the DIFFERENCES that we have, they are doing more harm than they can imagine.
WOMEN MISTREATING WOMEN ---> where are the resources for THAT?! Where are the workshops and safe spaces and support groups for the millions and millions of women who grew up being shamed by other women and girls?! We all agree that spousal abuse is not okay... where do you stand when a woman that you disagree with is in need? Where are YOU when a woman that you know is crying on her bedroom floor because she feels so isolated, so judged, so scared that she doesn't even want to go to the grocery store for fear of running into YOU and having you give her THAT look because she hasn't showered today and her clothes are all mis-matched.
Don't you DARE tell me that my husband, or her husband is the problem... you are the problem. WE as women who don't lift and support one another NO MATTER WHAT are the problem. The fact that you have your band of soul sisters that no one else is allowed to disagree with is the problem.
Pick you head up. Look for your sisters in need.
She tells me that my "daughters are told they are beautiful before they are smart." No they won't be. They won't be told that, because as a parent it will be MY JOB to fill my babies' heads with positive affirmation about every aspect of their humanity. It will be MY JOB to make sure that they learn how to work hard for what they want in life, that they know that they can achieve anything that they put their minds to and that they have the power to create an incredible life full of joy and love and prosperity. That is MY JOB. That is YOUR JOB for your daughters. If you are letting society dictate the thoughts and ideas coming into your daughter's head without taking the time to help her filter it through her own lens of love and grace, then that is ON YOU. My daughters will be as wild and free as they damn well please because they will be my children and I will allow them to grow into whatever incredible human they please. If YOU want to tell your little girl to sit down and be quiet while the boys play, that's on YOU.
She tells me that men are "debating over my uterus".... they are debating over my uterus because YOU have asked them to. The fact that you demand free birth control, the fact that you believe that private healthcare organizations should get GOVERNMENT FUNDING... YOU handed them this conversation, NOT ME.
I don't want those men in my pants any more than you do... but I don't invite them in there. If you want them there, if you want them to give you those things that you have asked for-- that you feel ENTITLED to-- then they are going to be involved... forever. That's how it works. OR you can tell them to get the F out and you'll go find your healthcare somewhere else... like those of us who support private health care do.
Male or female, the individuals that you have elected to your government will be involved in every piece of your life that you invite them to. If you don't want them to crash your party, then don't invite them.
I get it. Things aren't perfect. They WON'T ever be "perfect" because we live in an imperfect world where hatred will always exist. But my point is that I AM ENOUGH.
And if I have to have one more woman this week tell me that I am oppressed, I am going to lose my fucking marbles.
I AM STRONG. I AM FREE. I AM EMPOWERED. I AM A FIRST CLASS CITIZEN.
...I AM GRATEFUL for the women AND men who came before me and paved the way for the freedoms and liberties that I have now. I am grateful that there were strong women in our history who fought for these rights. And I'm glad THAT THEY WON. I am glad that we live in a country where as a woman I am not only free to do as I please, but I am free to FLOURISH and I am ENCOURAGED as a woman in this day and age to build my own business, to care for my family, to create goods with my hands, to cook, to clean if I damn well feel like it, and to NOT be held down by any outside forces.
If you don't have what you want in your life-- GO GET IT.
If you want more female doctors-- go to med school.
If you want more female representation in Washington-- run for office.
If you want more female CEOs-- start your own business and work your freaking ass off.
It's on you. It's on all of us to live up to the legacy that those strong women created for us.
They earned those rights for us so that we can have the opportunity to make something... ANYTHING of our lives.... and yet so many of us are still just yelling back and forth at each other. It's time to stop it. Stop clinging to your gender and start clinging to your humanity.
Be a good person. Treat others with respect and dignity. Change starts with YOU.
If you act as though you are oppressed, you will find every possible example to support that notion.
If you act as though you are blessed beyond measure and live in the most incredible nation on this planet at the most incredible time in history, you will also find every possible example to support THAT notion.
I have chosen and will continue to choose the latter, because it is true.
Cheers,
B
